Anger Management

Anger management is a form of counselling to help you cope with any angry feelings you may have that affect your health, work, social behaviour or personal relationships.

About anger

Anger is the natural emotion we all experience as our response to a perceived threat, frustration, or assault upon our sense of self.

Common motives for anger include:

Mild anger can be expressed as annoyance or irritation.

However, for some people, anger can get out of control and cause problems with relationships, work and even the law. Uncontrolled anger can lead to arguments and physical fights. It can cloud your thinking and judgment and may lead to actions that are unreasonable and/or irrational.

Forms of anger:

Primary anger is a natural and healthy expression of our anger because its purpose is to find a resolution to our perceived problem.

However we can also experience anger in 3 other problematic forms:

1. Secondary anger: Often demonstrated by men to conceal softer primary emotions like feeling hurt, sad or vulnerable.
2. Instrumental anger: The deliberate use of anger to control, manipulate or influence others.
3. Maladaptive anger: Perpetual toxic anger patterns borne of traumas, unmet childhood needs and/or unfinished business with significant others from your past.

Road rage or regular unforeseen, uncontrollable manifestations of anger within your relationships, friendships, or workplace are likely indications that your anger falls into one of the above categories.

Physical signs of anger:

The large quantity of stress hormones released within your body when you become angry can make you feel quite unwell. Cortisol and adrenaline increase your heart rate, blood pressure, temperature and breathing (the “fight or flight” response).

This allows you to focus on the threat and react quickly, but it can also mean that you do not think straight, and maybe react in ways you might regret later on.

Our Anger Response:

Our frame of reference for how we direct our anger towards others usually depends on the specific circumstances, our family history, cultural background, and stress levels. This is typically recognisable through:

Other people might react to anger by hiding it or turning it inwards against themselves. They can be very angry on the inside but feel unable to let it out.

It is important to deal with anger in a healthy way that does not harm you or anyone else.

Domestic violence

If uncontrolled anger leads to domestic violence (violence or threatening behaviour within the home), there are places that offer help and support. You can talk to your GP or contact domestic violence organisations such as Refuge or Women’s Aid.

Anger and health

Intense and uncontrolled anger is linked to health conditions such as:

It can weaken your immune system, making you more likely to pick up infections and less able to recover from operations, accidents or major illnesses. Anger also makes you more sensitive to pain.

If anger is hidden or buried, it can lead to:

Managing anger

Given the extensive negative potential of anger as outlined above, the following sequence is proposed as an initial means of reclaiming your ownership of it:

Your anger is a habit of your mind. You can change the way you have conditioned yourself to respond and react. Acknowledging the existence of this psychologically crippling emotion can be a vehicle to access and release you from its potentially damaging and indefinite stranglehold.

Alternative thought, and response patterns can be utilised to develop new and truer coping strategies. Remember you are not your thoughts and your anger does not have to define who you are or who you can be.

Seeking and accepting support is a strength and not a weakness so please feel free to contact me